It was just a matter of time that transformed us from toddlers and adolescents and to young ones and here is a moment in our lives that we start dwelling upon issues related to looking after our own kids, their future and their well-being. When did we grow up? Are we prepared and equipped for this role? The important question which arises when we log on to the world of parenting which starts immediately after conceiving and shelving the child in our womb is ‘which child are we raising the real child, the child in me or the child of my dreams’? Are we forcing our dreams and expectations on them?
Have we forgotten what it felt to us as kids when yelled, forced to do something we didn’t like? Are we creating a next generation for revenge? Let us introspect whether we are moving to the right parenting path or not.
Parents form part of the most ‘defensive’ species in the modern society as everyone wants to inculcate the best ideologies in their children but parenting is actually a wholesome & holistic package of parent’s practical ideologies; As parents, what we do? How do we care? What attitude we wear? How do we appear socially? How do we go along as husbands and wives? How do we treat our parents? How much we are on social media/on screen? What pains are we inflicting on us to raise the kids despite we both as parents are working? As our child grows, the challenges change, so will our thinking also evolve; but our approach should be consistent, firm and loving. It’s important to help our children learn through experience that making an effort builds confidence and to tackle challenges. It’s better to calibrate our expectations so as to what the child is capable of doing independently, rather spoon feeding and forcing or policing him or her.
Parenting is a complicated endeavour with big responsibility. Children notice and grasp the situation faster than even what we endure; they perceive and believe that we are the best mom and dad. They watch us whether we get along well and share affection to each other as parents. In true sense whatever happens between the parents; they should figure out ways and means to get along and must show physical affection. The reflection of parents getting along and their behaviour boomerangs on the child. The child who feels loved evolves with great self esteem and emotional quotient and this minimises chances of them becoming aggressive and groped with other behavioural problems.
Parents must invest quality time with their children. It can be anything; be it any sports, helping with chores, learning with the kid the strings of any musical instrument. A passionate involvement today with children would surely pay dividends tomorrow because today we may find our busy life cocktailed with the aura of promotions and success a hindrance in giving them time and attention what the child requires but
life may come a full circle to find us in soup when we have time and the children wings; and then they would be flying leaving us to have only remorse.
In their adolescence, we embark upon the child for getting good grades, doing well and make them obsessed with grades and quantifiable. In actual why should the child succumb to such educational system where he or she is coping up, dummying and getting arrested to tuition culture and coaching mediums to get that quantified grades and not evolve and shape himself or herself to face the exam of variables of life. The child needs to learn to ‘read’ and not to ‘study’. Once they are used to reading and absorbing what they read, automatically they will find studying more interesting with reading the indefinable and in bargain they would be well prepared to be rewarded with good grades.
One more important aspect is that as parents we must listen to our kids and just not hear them. We must understand their thoughts, fears and concerns as acknowledging children’s thoughts help a child to develop confidence in them later on to take risks and challenges upfront. Our neglect or avoidance and lack of indulgence will initially force him or her to share his/her fears to their friends who may not take the concerns seriously but such prevailing trends would force the child to be docile or introvert and this may percolate down in his nature. Binomial to this is too much indulgence and getting confused with discipline and punishment. Punishment is all about making kids averse and makes them suffer for their wrong doings while discipline is all about teaching them to be conscious of not doing wrong and be self disciplined to make better choices themselves down the road.
Parenting a military kid with multifaceted exposures is another uphill task. Most of the aspects which invite concerns for the parents are as it is taken care of in respect of our children as they have a forged sense of camaraderie, building bonds, social etiquettes, compassion and in build self-reliance. We need to simulate their energy and positive vibes in the right path by being role model dads and moms.
Overall parenting is an ongoing procedure; a feeling lived every day, a responsibility donned every moment and relished to see part of your own growing with values, grit and success you dream and not thrust upon. They may have their own goals, feelings & hence a commensurate thought process; we are here to teach them how to take decision. As parents we cannot control the end result but at least endure to be better parents if not best to suit the environmental and the kid’s requirement on a parallel axis, so that when they become adults, they have the skills to think long term and also make the best choices in life.